User blog:Awesomesix/Total Drama ERB: Rizachulous Race S1E01- Curry Up, Already Part 1
So, ye, I wrote this, and Bantha proofread. Wonder didn't write, but he still helps. Episode *The camera opens up to Zach Sherwin standing on a dock off the shore of India, several brick buildings and wooden market stalls behind him. At the dock, aside from miscellaneous fishing boats, is a large cruise ship with a bridge over the water from the boat’s deck to the dock. Zach coughs, and the camera zooms to him.* Zach Sherwin: Hello and welcome, Zachasses. This is the very first episode of a brand new show, Total Drama ERB: The Rizachulous Race, hosted by the very talented and very sexy me. Emphasis on the latter part especially. I can charm the pants off of anyone. *An Indian fisherman slowly inches away awkwardly. Zach keeps talking.* Zach Sherwin: This whole show is a race around the world, from Asia to America, from France to Japan, and even to… well, I can’t say that part. But we go everywhere, and your downfall is not being able to keep up with the competition. We’ve got 18 teams, 36 contestants, but only one prize. Which means, you guessed it… one winner. Who will it be? Well, as much as I’d like more money, it’s not me. Sorry, ladies. However, it could be one of these eighteen… shown after this, on… The Rizachulous Race. *The scene cuts to Zach walking up to the exit of the bridge between the deck of the boat and the dock. Unlatching a gate, he then turns to the camera and begins to talk.* Zach Sherwin: So, what lucky bachelor is… crap, wrong script… which lucky couple is going to be the one to win the money? Time to place your bets and get arrested for gambling, cause here come our teams! *A silhouette appears from a doorway on the boat, which leads straight to the dock.* Zach Sherwin: First up, they’re fierce, they’re savage, and they’re really annoyed with each other… Michael Jordan and Muhammad Ali! *Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan walks out the doorway, punching and kicking each other, grunting in pain and anger.* (Confessional): Jordan and Ali *Michael Jordan and Muhammad Ali are facing opposite directions away from each other with arms folded, Jordan on the left and Ali on the right. Both are pouting.* Michael Jordan:' I came to do this game and kick butt, but with ''him here in my way…''' *Ali glares at Jordan* Muhammad Ali:' ''Excuse me? I believe it was me who came here to win, and has you in my way.' '*Michael Jordan turns and faces Ali, standing up, hunched over and fists pulled back.*' ''*The camera cuts back to Zach watching them leave the boat.* Michael Jordan: Oh, no no no no, I’m ''the one with ''you ''in my way! Muhammad Ali: Take that back! ''*The two begin to pummel each other with fists.* Zach Sherwin: Easy, you two… you’re on television. *Ali and Jordan quit fighting, but look away from each other, arms crossed and chins turned upwards, similar to two pouting children.* Zach Sherwin: Okay, this gets better, I promise. For our next team is a duo that never quits on each other, never give up, and like to kick butt. Ladies and gentlemen, and animals, I present… Bill and Ted! *Bill and Ted walk out from the doors on the boat, air guitaring with cheerful faces.* (Confessional): Bill and Ted *Bill and Ted sit facing each other, arms dangling at their sides, smiling pleased.* Bill:' We’re so psyched to be here, man! This is like, the most bodacious and radical thing to happen to us!' Ted:' Like, totally, bro!' *The two air guitar happily.* *The camera cuts back to Bill and Ted walking onto the dock, walking up and high-fiving Zach.* Zach Sherwin: A pleasure to have you two. Bill: Sick, dude… Zach Sherwin: Up next, it’s the genius who could solve the case of the missing pants by drawing the conclusion he blew them right off you… Sherlock Holmes and Watson! *Watson and Holmes walk from the boat, Sherlock trying to look smart as Watson talks whilst eating a crumpet in British gibberish.* (Confessional): Sherlock and Watson *Sherlock is sitting towards the camera with a flirtatious grin on the left, with Watson pouring himself some tea mindlessly on the right.* Sherlock:' My partner Watson and I deduce we will win this show, and get multiple panties wet.' Watson:' Tally-ho, indeed! Pip pip! God Save the Queen!' Sherlock:' My, Watson! That ''must ''be evidence to me flirting with the queen, winning over her heart, and becoming the king! How astounding!' Watson:' By Jones! Isn’t she, 130 years old or something?' *Sherlock shudders disgustedly as Watson mindlessly pours his tea onto his lap, burning his crotch.* *The camera cuts back with Watson and Sherlock walking onto the dock next to Sherwin, the former offering him a crumpet.* Watson (mouth full): Woul woo liche a crumheh? Zach Sherwin: I’m fine, thank you. Watson (mouth full): Weh fufsh u, meh! Zach Sherwin: I knew it’d be hard to keep this PG… well, up next we have the OG puppy love, the tragedy-induced teens who… *Zach Sherwin’s voice fades into the background as the camera cuts to Bill and Ted look confused.* Bill (to Ted): Is he introducing us again? Ted (to Bill): I dunno… is that a trick question? *The camera cuts back to Sherwin, finishing his introduction.* Zach Sherwin:'' ...and by the end, both died… Romeo and Juliet! ''*Romeo and Juliet exit the boat’s doors, waving to their sides before Romeo promptly trips on a camera chord on the deck.* (Confessional): Romeo and Juliet *Romeo sits on the left with his arms down at his sides, looking worried at the camera, as Juliet smiles calmly and begins to talk.* Juliet:' Romeo and I decided to try out the show after we realized we weren’t old enough to do any jobs ourselves and run our house… under age laws or something. No problem for a dangerous reality show, though, I guess? ' Romeo:' This was all-a Juliet’s idea… I’m a bit clumsy and a pain magnet. One time I was trying to brush my hair, and-a boom! The mirror fell on my face! Now I’m scared of mirrors! But I’ll do whatever it takes to make Juliet ha-' *A boom mike randomly falls on Romeo’s head, making a loud interference noise, and Romeo falls backwards surprised, flailing his arms. Juliet watches nervously and quickly rises to help her boyfriend.* *The camera cuts back to the dock, with Juliet holding Romeo up as he rubs his face in pain.* Romeo: I told you it was a bad idea to bring me along! Not even a challenge and I fell on my face! Sherlock Holmes: But, what if getting off of the boat is the challenge, and there are 19 teams, and the one that will come off last is eliminated? *Everyone except for Watson stares at Sherlock confused.* Muhammad Ali: Man, he’s almost as dumb as you, Jordan. Michael Jordan: Oh yeah? Well, he is as dumb as you! Muhammad Ali: You idiot, you just said I’m smarter than you! Zach Sherwin: Let’s hope our next team can shut up these two, because these musicians really know how to woo crowds of two ages. Please welcome to the stage, Beethoven and Bieber! *Beethoven and Bieber exit from the boat onto the dock, glaring at each other.* (Confessional): Beethoven and Bieber *Beethoven sits on the left, arms crossed, turned toward the center, Bieber busy texting on his phone, also facing center. Beethoven:' Now, I may dislike Bieber. He’s a jerk.' Justin Bieber:' I’m right here, dude.' Beethoven:' But we’ve agreed we won’t let it get in the way. We’ll work hard, play dirty, and win the money, splitting it-' *Bieber looks over at Beethoven, still texting.* Justin Bieber:' Woahwoahwoah… I never agreed to ''split it, Mozart! We agreed I’d get all the money because I’m rich and cool, and you’d get nothing, unless I pitied you.' '*Bieber laughs childishly at his “joke”, causing Beethoven to grab a water bottle from the camera man, who’s confused, and throw it at Bieber, startling him.*' '''Bieber:' WATCH THE PHONE! *Beethoven laughs now, chuckling, only for Bieber to look at the camera unamused before continuing texting.* Camera Man:' So, do I get my water bottle back, or…? ' Beethoven:' ''(*pretending not to hear the cameraman* ''Sorry, what did you say? I’m a little deaf in this ear. And also in this ear. Both ears. I’m deaf.' *The camera cuts to Beethoven and Bieber walking to Zach, playfully debating.* Beethoven: So, when will you grow up? Justin Bieber: When you learn to be mature and not pick on children. Beethoven: Ahh, so you admit you’re a child? Justin Bieber: Shut up! Michael Jordan: See! They understand a good team dynamic! *Romeo and Juliet look at the others confused.* Romeo: We’re surrounded by idiots! Bill: I know, right? Ted: Totally! ROCK ON! *Bill and Ted begin to air guitar, Romeo and Juliet looking quite confused.* Zach Sherwin: Our next team is sure to break that statement, dear Romeo. They defy death, life, and every function of the human body, they’re the one, the only, Bruce Lee and Clint Eastwood! *Zach turns to see if the duo is coming, only to see a closed door in awkward silence.* Romeo: ...I see no one. Ted: Maybe they’re ghosts or something? Sherlock Holmes: That sounds most logical. Because if they defy everything the human body can do, they defied the definition of living, thus- *A shadow forms and somersaults from the top of the boat to in front of Zach, with another kicking the door and following outside.* Bruce Lee: You called? Romeo: Late entrance much! Clint Eastwood: No one is ever too late, partner. Only not on time. (Confessional): Bruce Lee and Clint Eastwood *Clint Eastwood is shown cleaning his revolver, facing center, with Bruce Lee sitting tall, hands on hips.* Bruce Lee:' Clint Eastwood and I are here to be the toughest competitors the game has seen! No one competitor is as furious, strong, serious, and trained as we are!' Clint Eastwood:' Bruce Lee is the most extreme guy I’ve ever met. He’ll walk on his hands over burning coals, and not flinch. ' Bruce Lee:' Just to prove that, I will do it right now!' *Bruce Lee walks out the door of the confessional room, Clint Eastwood watching confused.* Clint Eastwood:' ''*to himself*...Isn’t the whole point of proving it that you’re on camera, Bruce? *Sigh*' ''*The camera cuts to Clint Eastwood and Bruce Lee going to stand next to Beethoven and Bieber, the latter of which who is texting.* Bruce Lee: Can you do that, little kid? Justin Bieber: Maybe, if I didn’t have a spine. Beethoven: Go ahead and try it, then. You’re pretty spineless. Justin Bieber: Oh, can it! *Beethoven elbows Bieber jokingly in the side, Bieber rolls his eyes and continues to text.* Clint Eastwood: Checking out the competition, Bruce? Bruce Lee: Yes. Michael Jordan: *Flexing* Ahh, checking out the competition, eh? Try checking out this! Bruce Lee: That’s nothing! Try this! *Bruce Lee suddenly jumps up in the air, does a backflip, lands on his hands, then begins to spin on one fist, the other in the air. When finished, he runs over to Michael Jordan and punches him in the face. Pulling his fist away, multiple splinters are visible. Carelessly he pulls them out, no signs of pain.* Michael Jordan: Ow! I think you gave me your splinters! Ted: I thought that was only transmittable from intercourse… Zach Sherwin: If you have some nasty thoughts, please keep them to yourself. Bruce Lee: Alright! I don’t want these fools knowing my ideas! Zach Sherwin: On the topic of ideas… these next two are smart, dangerous, and epic. Stand back and put on some sunglasses, because the Mythbusters are here to blow the challenge out of the water! *Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman walk out of the boat, and an explosion goes off, with Oprah and Ellen quickly running from the boat. The boat sinks and another boat slowly pulls up, almost identical.* Oprah Winfrey: Why weren’t we told there would be explosions?! Ellen DeGeneres: I didn’t sign up for this! Zach Sherwin: ...Christ. (Confessional): Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage *Adam is shown facing center on the right, working on a random device in his lap with multiple screws, nuts, bolts, nails, and springs, while Jamie stares at the camera, eyes half open, on the left.* Jamie Hyneman:' Hi, I’m Jamie.' Adam Savage:' And I’m Adam! ' Jamie Hyneman:' And we’re the Mythbusters.' Adam Savage:' Probably some of the coolest people you’ll ever meet, just so you know. ' Jamie Hyneman:' We blow stuff up. Lots of things.' Adam Savage:' Duct tape, mannequins, ovens, you name it, we blow it up!' Jamie Hyneman:' One time we got a full-sized 747 donated to us. Just to blow it up.' Adam Savage:' Now, we’re going to blow up the co-' *The object in Adam’s pocket explodes into smoke, covering the two in ashes.* Adam Savage:' AWESOME!' Jamie Hyneman:' Cool.' (Confessional): Oprah and Ellen *Oprah is on the left, looking directly towards the camera with an unamused look, arms folded, while Ellen sits on the right, playing with cat mittens, swatting at Oprah’s hair.* Oprah Winfrey:' I am Oprah Winfrey, but I bet you knew that.' Ellen DeGeneres:' I’m Ellen and I like kittens! Mrow!' Oprah Winfrey:' I don’t know about ''this one, but I am here to win. No silly business, no love interests, no nothing. ' '''Ellen DeGeneres:' Hey, I want to win, too! Oprah Winfrey:' Well, you’re ''gonna, if I'' win, we’re on a team, stupid.' Ellen DeGeneres:' Um, well… okay! Let’s go, team! Woo!' *Ellen continues to swat at Oprah’s hair until Oprah slaps her hand, still staring at the camera unamused, saddening Ellen.* *The camera cuts back to Oprah, Ellen, Jamie and Adam walking onto the dock, Oprah and Ellen panting, while Adam looks back at the explosion, Jamie emotionless with goggles holding the detonator.* Ellen DeGeneres: That wasn’t very nice! Adam Savage: You’re right… it was AWESOME! Bill: Ted, these are our types of people! Ted: 5’5”, dark blonde, green eyes? Bill: No! Cool ''people! Ted: Better be, cause they don’t ''look 5’5”... Jamie Hyneman: Hello, curly-haired blonde and his companion. Bill: Dude, he knows your name! Dr. Watson: Tiddlywinks! He guessed it that easily? Oprah Winfrey: What the hell type of name is that? Ellen DeGeneres: I thought his name was Ted? Ted: Dude, she knows my name! Romeo (to Juliet): This is going to be torture… Bruce Lee: I know, right? What idiots! Can we get someone serious? I could sleepwalk and win! Zach Sherwin: Hold your horses, and your skirt, because these next two are sure to blow you away… in more ways than one. Just kidding, they don’t have fans. But they’re attractive… I could’ve worded this better. Anywho, cue Cleo and Monroe, please. *Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe walk off the boat, waving to everyone while smiling.* (Confessional): Cleopatra and Monroe *Cleopatra sits on the left side, left hand on her left hip, right hand near her face, picking at her nails, while Monroe smiles provocatively at the camera, hands on her thighs, facing forward on the right.* Cleopatra:' Hello, darlings. If you couldn’t tell, the ''lovely, gorgeous blonde over here is Monroe. ' '''Marilyn Monroe:' And this fair-hipped queen of Egypt is the great Cleopatra. Cleopatra:' Face it, we’re attractive. You can’t deny that.' Marilyn Monroe:' But we’re not dumb. We know people will be stronger, faster, and more agile than us.' Cleopatra:' But will they resist trying to win us over? Probably not. It’s a fact of society, strong men go for gorgeous women. Stupid men go for gorgeous women. There’s no escaping it.' Marilyn Monroe:' ''*Hits her palm with her fist* ''And ''that will be their downfall.' '*Monroe giggles somewhat evil-like, Cleopatra looking at her awkwardly.*' '''Cleopatra:' Could you, like, not do that again? *The camera cuts back to the two making their way to the dock, multiple male contestants staring, Juliet covering Romeo’s eyes.* Romeo: Juliet, I am not attracted to them! I promise! Bill (to Cleopatra): Hi, Hotty McHothot. Are you single? Ted: Dude, keep your cool! Say, Tut, is your friend over there, say, 5’5”? Cleopatra: Oh, please. I am not ''single. I’ll have you know I was in a relationship with- Julius Caesar: Long time no see, Cleopatra. ''*Cleopatra, Bill, and Ted turn to see Caesar and Zulu standing on the bridge, Caesar eyeing Cleopatra in particular.* Cleopatra: Shit. (Confessional): Julius Caesar and Shaka Zulu *Julius Caesar sits on the right, arms crossed, looking at Zulu, who’s on the left, holding his iwisa, staring at the camera confused, before looking at Caesar and talking.* Shaka Zulu:' I, am Shaka Zulu. This, is Julius Caesar. And we’re the biggest threat to this competition since the person challenging it’s creation.' Julius Caesar:' Cunning, brutal, fierce, level headed, strong, wise, daring… what ''else could you ask for in a test of the survival of the fittest?' '*Julius looks at Shaka Zulu’s chest, and Shaka stares back awkwardly.*' '''Julius Caesar:' ...except for a shirt, that is. *Caesar smiles wryly at Cleo, who seems to be worried. Shaka yells at him from the dock to come over.* Cleopatra: W-what are you doing here? Julius Caesar: Oh, looking at you, thinking of how I’m going to win, being yelled at by Shaka. The usual. Shaka Zulu: Hey, Caesar! Hurry up! Marilyn Monroe: Well, this whole show just got awkward. Shaka Zulu: Dude, hurry, before the next team- *Caesar falls backwards on the bridge as Washington stands before him, suddenly angry.* George Washington: And just who do you think you are, sir? Julius Caesar: I am Julius Caesar. The real question is, what do you think your hair is? William Wallace: Just move, ye bastard, before I skin ye! Zach Sherwin: Is no one going to let me introduce them now? (Confessional): George Washington and William Wallace *Washington sits on the left, polishing a musket and grimacing at the camera, while Wallace shines his sword on the right. Both face towards center.* George Washington:' This game is ''meant for leaders, and leaders are all who will be left after this!' '''William Wallace:' Because all that’ll be left of this wee little game will be us, lads! George Washington:' Us, and the host!' William Wallace:' I thought we’re killin’ him off?' George Washington:' No!' William Wallace:' Why you yellin’ at me?' George Washington:' ...nothing will stand in our way!' *The camera cuts back to Caesar blocking Washington and Wallace from the dock.* Julius Caesar: I am going to stand directly in your way. George Washington: Oh, can it! Move, metal chest, before I throw you off! Julius Caesar: Do it. George Washington: Oh, I wi- wait a minute… *Washington stares at Zulu, and Zulu, recognizing him, rushes up and pulls Caesar to the dock, glaring at Washington.* Shaka Zulu: Oh, so you’re here too, huh? Washington Wallace: Oh please, go back to hogging land! Jamie Hyneman: Please shut the fuck up before I blow up my eardrums. Oprah Winfrey: Screenhogs. Zach Sherwin: Oh look, here comes the next team… not letting me announce them... *Blackbeard and Capone shove by the four on the bridge awkwardly, then walk up to Zach.* Al Capone: So you’re the host, eh? Pleasure’s mine. *Capone shakes Zach’s hand.* Blackbeard: Yargh, where’s the can? I think I ate too many shrimps! (Confessional): Capone and Blackbeard *Capone sits on the left, facing center, cracking his knuckles, and Blackbeard sits on the right, scratching his beard with his left hand, facing center.* Al Capone:' You have, right here, in front of this here camera, the two biggest crim’nals history’s seen, ya get it? We gonna win or no one gonna win this, capische?' Blackbeard:' Yargh. We’s be the most vile, disgusting…' Al Capone:' Charming, suave…' Blackbeard:' Down low, rotten…' Al Capone:' Cunning, well-kept…' Blackbeard:' ...and smartest players in this here game. ' Al Capone:' Capische?' *Capone and Blackbeard pass Cleopatra, before Capone stops, Blackbeard asking people for the bathroom.* Al Capone: Hey, hot stuff, how’s it come about you and I meet up on this show? Cleopatra: Uh… I… Marilyn Monroe: Excuse my friend, she’s… *Monroe Elbows Cleopatra in the hip* ...a bit out of it right now. Al Capone: Well, can ya tell her that I’m a bit into her? Heh. Marilyn Monroe: Sure! *Monroe feigns a smile as Capone walks off, Cleopatra still frozen worried about Caesar.* Marilyn Monroe: Filthy swine. Sherlock Holmes: So, Capone’s a pig, is he? Well, given that quite credible evidence, and the fact that he had syph- Marilyn Monroe: Can it, Scrooge! *The camera cuts to Romeo, Juliet, Bruce and Beethoven talking.* Bruce Lee: So, these new competitors. How do you feel about them? Romeo: I can’t tell, Juliet’s still covering my eyes… Juliet: Oops… sorry... *Juliet uncovers Romeo’s eyes, giggling innocently and looking away awkwardly.* Beethoven: Eh, they’re too young for me. Everyone is. Justin Bieber: That means more Monroe for me- *Bieber begins to walk away, only for Beethoven to yank his arm. Bieber groans annoyed.* Justin Bieber: Oh, come on! Bruce Lee: That’s not what I meant! We’re not here for love! I don’t care for it! Zach Sherwin: Well, these next two teams do! Here they come right now just look please no one cut m- (Confessional): Adam and Eve *Eve sits on the left, eating an apple, Adam on the right, smiling smug at the camera. Both face center.* Eve:' We’re here for love.' Adam:' Usually, traveling around the world means you ''give money. But here, you go across the continents and get money! Isn’t being cheap romantic?' '''Eve:' About that... (Confessional): Leonidas and Queen Gorgo *Leonidas sits on the left, flexing and moving his muscles, facing towards center, and Gorgo sits on the right, half asleep.* Leonidas:' Oh, the babe and I are gonna kick some ''major ass in this show! Ain’t that right?' '''Gorgo:' Wha-huh? Oh. Sure, I guess. Leonidas:' She’s just hypnotized by these ''rock hard abs right now to talk, hence the drooling.' '*Gorgo jerks awake and wipes off the drool from being bored and tired.*' '''Gorgo:' Go us. ' ''*The camera cuts to Adam passionately carrying Eve by Caesar/Zulu and Washington/Wallace, then Leonidas hoisting up Gorgo onto his shoulder, surprising her.* Leonidas: You jealous, boys? Julius Caesar: No. William Wallace: Jealous of yer little lack o’ junk? As if! Gorgo: Please put me down. Leonidas: Yes, babe. *Leonidas suddenly drops Gorgo onto the dock, shocking the four men watching.* George Washington: Couldn’t you be, I dunno, a bit nicer? Leonidas: She wasn’t specific. *Gorgo angrily wanders off towards Romeo and Juliet as Leonidas annoys the two bickering teams.* David Copperfield: Everything’s falling into place it seems. *Zach turns around to see Copperfield and Houdini standing behind him, watching everything.* Houdini: Indeed. Zach Sherwin: Could I introduce at least one more team? Bonnie Parker: Well, ya could introduce us. '''(Confessional): Houdini and David Copperfield *Copperfield and Houdini are nowhere to be seen. All that’s heard is the cameraman.* Camera Man:' Uh… hello?' (Confessional): Bonnie and Clyde *The two sit on the left both, Bonnie in Clyde’s lap.* Bonnie Parker:' We’re probably the hottest team in this.' Clyde Barrow:' Anyone wishing to pass us up’ll have to mess with me.' Bonnie Parker:' Anyone messing with my man ends up dead. He’s a ''real good man with real ''good aim, yep.' Clyde Barrow:' I could shoot the moon from here. Yep.' Bonnie Parker:' Now turn that camera there off, we wanna make out in peace.' *The camera shuts off.* *The camera cuts to Houdini and Copperfield still standing behind Zach, who’s getting somewhat annoyed.* David Copperfield: Hey, look who it is. It’s those people who need announcing. Zach Sherwin: Sure it is… *Lady and Sarah Palin appear in front of Zach, having just walked onto the dock.* Zach Sherwin: Dammit! (Confessional): Lady Gaga and Sarah Palin *Lady Gaga sits on the left, adjusting a chef’s hat, while Palin sits with her arms crossed on the right.* Lady Gaga:' Greetings, my little monsters! We’re here to win!' Sarah Palin:' I have no idea why we’re on a team. The show probably needed some powerful women. Hence me and Madonna over here.' Lady Gaga:' It’s… forget it. Sarah and I are going to hopefully breeze through this with no effort.' Sarah Palin:' Unless there’s moose. I’m gonna stop and punch them.' Lady Gaga:' Oh, please.' *The camera cuts to Zach Sherwin walking onto the bridge and peering into the boat. Noticing the next team, he quickly announces them.* Zach Sherwin: And for our final team, we have a brave warrior with heart, and a Miley Cyrus. Here come Miley Cyrus and Joan of Arc! *Miley walks out first, and burps. Joan of Arc follows her nervously.* (Confessional): Miley Cyrus and Joan of Arc *Joan of Arc sits on the left somewhat nervous and worried, Miley more relaxed to her right, a dumb look of joy on her face.* Joan of Arc:' I was ''really hoping to get another teammate, but if I’m stuck with her, it’s alright, I guess.' '''Miley Cyrus:' Ye-ah! Whoo! Joan of Arc:' There’s no hope in winning… ' Miley Cyrus:' Oh, come on! We’ll do great! Whoo!' *The camera cuts to all of the teams now on the dock talking. In the shot are Gorgo, Romeo, Juliet, and Beethoven.* Beethoven: Well, this is everyone. Romeo: I was hoping someone more to our liking would show up. I guess we’re stuck with each other. Gorgo: Hey, at least you agree with your teammates. Beethoven: *Chuckles* Well, that’s debatable, ma’am. Gorgo: I did not sign up for this, but maybe it’ll help my “husband” clean up his act. Juliet: Oh, how long have you been married? Gorgo: Don’t know, don’t care. I want him gone. Beethoven: Sounds awful. Justin Bieber: Say, if you’re done with him, and I have no one, maybe- *Gorgo walks away, Beethoven facepalming as Bieber gets down on his knees.* Justin Bieber: But I love you! Romeo: Geez, talk about young love! *Beethoven looks at Romeo skeptically.* Zach Sherwin: Alright, everybody, gather up! *The camera transitions to the eighteen teams standing around Sherwin, listening. Sherwin himself is on a crate.* Zach Sherwin: So, ladies and gentleman, as you can tell, we’re in India. Today’s challenge will be, what I like to call, “Shop Til You Drop”. For the determining factor on how the challenge will go, I need you guys to race straight from here to those wheeled carts about, say, 400 feet away. *The camera quickly pans to some wooden four wheeled carts, similar to a hot dog stand, only made of wood, and with a small roof held up by four poles instead of an umbrella, about as big for one person to sit on it.* Zach Sherwin: The order you reach it, determined by the special challenge host over there, will give you the order you can leave, with a one minute head start each. Meaning the loser has an eighteen minute wait. Got it? And the end of this challenge will mean someone will go home. There will be no non-eliminations. Cheating will not be tolerated. But, remember, cheating only means you messed with the game’s rules. You can sabotage, I don’t care. Your time begins… *Washington and Wallace get ready to run, with Caesar and Zulu to their right; Leonidas picks up Gorgo again, annoying her, as Copperfield and Houdini stand to their right, arms crossed; Bruce Lee is practically on the ground ready to run with Eastwood on his left, Beethoven and Bieber nodding at each other in takeoff position; Ali and Jordan slapbox.* Zach Sherwin: Right about… *Cleopatra looks over to Caesar nervously before Monroe grabs her chin and turns her head forwards; Oprah fixes her hair as Ellen jogs in place to her left; Bill and Ted air guitar in anticipation.* Zach Sherwin: One hundred percent, right… *Sherlock and Watson prepare tea while waiting. Jamie holds out his hand and they give him some, he nods in response.* Zach Sherwin: Now! *The 18 teams start running as fast as they can to the carts. The camera cuts to Bruce Lee, Clint Eastwood, Shaka Zulu, Julius Caesar, George Washington, and William Wallace in the lead.* Bruce Lee: Out of my way! Julius Caesar: Oh, please! *Julius moves over in front of Bruce Lee, who karate chops his shoulder. Zulu Shoves Bruce into a wall in response.* Shaka Zulu: Play nice, jumpsuit! William Wallace: Is all ye good fer blocking other teams? Julius Caesar: Look who’s talking, Fabio! *Leonidas runs by carrying Gorgo, surpassing the other teams. Gorgo looks unamused.* Leonidas: Work it, babe! See you suckers later! George Washington: Wallace, hurry up! Clint Eastwood: Will do. *Clint Eastwood sprints past the four, Bruce Lee managing to make it back while backflipping. The two newly made enemies watch in awe.* Julius Caesar: Show off. David Copperfield: I know, right? *Julius Caesar looks at Copperfield shocked. The camera pans back to Romeo, Juliet, Bill, Ted, Sherlock, Watson, Adam and Eve, making up the middle.* Romeo: This is no use! Those guys in front are too ''fast! Bill: Woo! Go guys in first! Adam: Uh, those guys are ''ahead of you. Ted: I know, right? It’s awesome! Eve: Aren’t you guys at least a little bit concerned with that? Ted: Nothing concerns us! Sherlock Holmes: That’s a bit concerning. Watson: Jolly good joke, chap! *Watson and Sherlock high-five, only for Oprah to run through the middle, knocking them over and passing them up, Ellen not far behind.* Ellen DeGeneres: That’s not very nice, Oprah! Oprah Winfrey: We don’t need to be nice, we need to be winners! Juliet: Oh, crud, everyone’s passing us! *Juliet pushes Romeo faster, he giggles.* Romeo: That tickles, darling! *Romeo suddenly twitches his back, then grabs it, slowing down.* Juliet: Sorry… *The camera pans further to Cleopatra, Monroe, Beethoven, Bieber, Jamie and Adam slowly catching up.* Beethoven: I don’t think I can make it! Justin Bieber: Come on, grandpa! Old curly wig Washington’s up in the lead! Beethoven: Carry me! Justin Bieber: Wha-no! *Beethoven laughs as Jamie Hyneman runs ahead of him, Adam following.* Adam Savage: Old people are slow, confirmed! Jamie Hyneman: Highly thought out insult, my friend. Marilyn Monroe: Come on, Cleo, shake out of it! Cleopatra: I didn’t expect him to be here! *Al Capone catches up with the two women, particularly Cleopatra.* Al Capone: So, blondie, how’s the missus? Marilyn Monroe: Well, right now, she’s running ahead! *Monroe pushes Cleopatra forward, startling her, quickly going ahead of Capone. Blackbeard opens a door by Capone, confused.* Al Capone: There you are! Come on! Blackbeard: Yessir! *The two sprint frantically ahead. The camera cuts to Miley, Joan, Michael, Ali, Bonnie, Clyde, Palin, and Gaga bringing up the back.* Bonnie Parker: Oh, we’re in the back, dammit! Clyde Barrow: Let’s make a run like we did when we was robbing! *Bonnie and Clyde sprint ahead as Ali and Jordan glare at each other.* Michael Jordan: Oh, look, someone understands their teammate! Muhammad Ali: Oh, I see! And I also see you need to understand me! Michael Jordan: Oh, no I don’t! I’m the one in charge! Miley Cyrus: How about none of you are in charge, you just sit back, and- Michael Jordan and Muhammad Ali: NO! *Joan grabs Miley’s arm and pulls her ahead.* Joan of Arc: Come on, Miley! We’ve got no time to waste! Miley Cyrus: Or… we could get last and have a whole eighteen minutes to waste. Sarah Palin: Yeah, Gaga! What she said! *Sarah Palin grabs Lady Gaga’s arm, twisting it.* Lady Gaga: Ow! *The three teams dart ahead, leaving Ali and Jordan to bicker with each other. The camera cuts to Zach, who flew over by helicopter to Gandhi, watching the teams dart ahead.* Zach Sherwin: So, who do you think it will be? Gandhi: I dunno, man. The Caesar and that Shaka dude seem totally focused, but I gotta go with the president himself. Although, that Leo dude sure can carry weight. Zach Sherwin: Oh, crap, quiet! I gotta cut off the episode before a team arrives! *The camera rotates to show Caesar, Shaka, Lee, Eastwood, Capone, Blackbeard, Gorgo, Leonidas, Cleopatra, Monroe, Washington and Wallace all side to side running. It’s impossible to tell who will arrive first.* Zach Sherwin: Which teams will grow to like each other? Which teams will grow to hate? Will anyone ally with anyone else? Will there be any deceiving tactics? I’m going with yes. Stick around to see who wins this foot race and gets to leave first in the next challenge on Total Drama Epic Rap Battles: The Rizachulous Race. *Cleopatra, Julius, Capone, Leonidas, Wallace, and Lee’s legs are all seen about to land first by Zach. The camera cuts.* Category:Blog posts